Wednesday, July 7, 2010

twenty five.

In less than 3 months I will be turning 25. I have mixed feelings about such an important date in my life; such an important age. On one hand I'm excited and can't believe how fast time has passed since high school. On the other hand, I'm discouraged and overwhelmed with life. In high school no one tells you life is difficult, pushes and pulls, lifts you up, and breaks you down. I was given the instructions to make a five year plan, told to go to college and establish a career, encouraged to get married-which stereotypically followed by children, and every one lives happily ever after. There was no warning of lay offs, broken hearts, being single for 5 years, getting your house and car broken one warns you, I suppose it's because they don't want to scare people from living their lives though.
I try not to be discouraged from the steps back my life has taken, I work hard, and am good to the people around me. Some days are harder than others; sometimes I cry or scream. Some days I don't know if it will ever get better or if I'll ever be able to get ahead. And although things aren't exactly easy right now I have a belief that one day they'll get better. A person can only take so much, so things have to get better.
At one point in my life I thought by the time I was 25 I'd have a big job, be married, possibly have a baby, live in a cute little house, the naive dreams of a teenager. With less than 3 months until I turn 25, I have none of these things and none of them are to be foreseen in my near future. That's okay though, my beliefs on relationships, love, and life have changed significantly in the past six years. A lot of death, heartache, challenge, and set backs have taught me a lesson or two. Some times I'm better at using the experience from these lessons than others, but I try to use it all to my advantage. I'm just now learning to say no to people-I have a problem saying no to people because I don't want them to be upset with me. This has put me in situations that are less than desirable.
None the less, i'm learning. So one day it'll all get better. One day I'll be on top-I'm just hoping the day comes very quickly.

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